


Can Angels Cry?

by MaeTaurus



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2019-09-06 13:03:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16833166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeTaurus/pseuds/MaeTaurus
Summary: Phil comes home and finds Dan dead.





	Can Angels Cry?

**Author's Note:**

> RIP Justin (phanmyass)
> 
> Originally posted on Tumblr on Nov 14, 2014.

I’m out picking up a box of Dan’s favourite cereal since I’d accidentally eaten the last bit of it, when I suddenly get a bad feeling. I can’t put my finger on what it is or why I feel this way but something is telling me something bad is going to happen. I quickly make my purchase and head home, glad I’m not too far.

As soon as I step through the door, my bad feeling gets stronger and my heart starts racing. “Dan?” I call out but hear nothing. I put Dan’s cereal down in the kitchen and look in the office for Dan.

Nothing.

I check Dan’s bedroom then mine just in case.

Still nothing.

Then I notice the bathroom door is shut. “Dan? Are you in there?” I call from outside, knocking a few times.

No sound.

I frown and push the door open. My heart drops when I realize why Dan hadn’t been answering me and I sink down onto the floor, shaking my head in disbelief as I stare at Dan.

Dan’s dead body.

There is a razor blade next to Dan’s lifeless hand and I can clearly see fresh cuts up and down his right arm.

“Dan,” I whisper, praying to whoever may be listening that this is a dream. “Dan? Please. D- just don’t be de…” I trail off, unable to finish my sentence.

I know there’s no use in checking for a pulse. Dan’s eyes are still open and it’s clear they can’t see anything.

I wipe away tears I didn’t know had fallen and reach over to close his eyes for him since he no longer can.

“I’m sorry,” I sob, sitting back against the wall. “I should’ve known. I should’ve been able to help you.”

For months Dan had been depressed but he kept promising it wasn’t as bad as it was when we first met so I believed him. I knew Dan would never lie about that to me since he promised me five years ago that he would tell me if he felt that bad again.

He broke his promise.

I shake my head, not wanting to believe Dan had done that. “He wouldn’t lie. He wouldn’t,” I say aloud.

“No, I didn’t,” a familiar voice says.

My head had fallen down onto my knees as I sob loudly, holding onto Dan’s cold hand. I freeze and slowly lift my head.

Beautiful.

All I can think is how bright and beautiful the light before me is. At first I don’t realize what it is but then it comes into focus.

“Dan?” I hadn’t realized I’d said it aloud until I see the glowing figure nod.

“Yes. Well sort of. I mean it’s me but I’m not real. Well I’m real but not-“ Dan blabbers before shaking his head at himself and smiling. “It’s really me. I promise.”

And for some reason, I believe him. I believe that this glowing figure that looks so much like Dan is really him. I’d never been sure what I believed in when it came to death and the afterlife but there’s no doubt in my mind that this is real.

“What did you mean? You said you didn’t lie to me?” I whisper, voice cracking softly.

Dan bites his lip like he always does when he feels guilty. “I didn’t mean to kill myself. I just- I… I cut too deep and I couldn’t stop the bleeding.”

I gasp softly and look down at Dan’s body and see bloody towels next to him. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I’m the one that should be apologizing,” Dan argues.

I just shake my head and feel more tears fall down my cheeks. “Because you didn’t mean to die. You didn’t want to. But you did. And I’m sorry.”

Dan walks over to me and I have to squint my eyes against the bright light that emitted from him. “Thank you. But I’m okay. I just needed to see you one last time.”

“No!” I shout without meaning to. “Don’t go!”

“Phil I have to. I’m dead now. I have to leave,” Dan says sadly and I could’ve sworn I just saw a tear drip down his face.

Can Angels cry?

I bite my lip and reach out to Dan. My hand goes through the light but I don’t feel anything.

No coldness.

No nothing.

“I can’t touch you.”

Dan shakes his head and looks at me. “No. My physical form is there not here,” he points over to his body.

I nod and grip Dan’s hand tightly. “I lo-“ a knot forms in my throat and I can’t continue.

“I love you too,” Dan whispers. “I just wish we hadn’t been pricks and had said that sooner. It’s a bit late now.”

I can’t help but chuckle, though the sound is broken and shaky. “Yeah, we’re idiots.”

Suddenly Dan backs away and sighs. “I really do have to go now. But don’t think for one second that I won’t be back to haunt you,” he jokes, his voice sounding almost normal.

“I love you,” I whisper as the light fades and I’m once again left alone with Dan’s corpse.

I get on my knees and move closer, leaning down and cupping Dan’s cheek before kissing his slightly blue lips. “I love you,” I say again. “And I’m sorry.”

I grab the razor off the floor and grip it tightly in my right hand, closing my eyes so I don’t have to watch as I slide the blade across my skin. I hiss at the pain but keep going, pushing the blade deeper into my wrist.

After a dozen or so more cuts I start to feel light headed and open my eyes.

I’m once again greeted by a blinding light but this time it’s different. The whole room is glowing, not just Dan. I can see tears streaming down Dan’s cheeks as he watches me.

And suddenly the pain in my wrist is gone and I’m no longer in the bathroom. I look around the room and see everything is glowing but I can’t quite make out anything other than Dan who is standing in front of me, tears rapidly falling down his cheeks.

Angels can cry.


End file.
